Just For Laughs
- Karma: Cat got your tongue because you stole his milk.
- Karma II: Diarrhoea all day from eating his lunch.
- Karma III: Horse on your back because you rode him too hard.
- Karma IV: Next funeral's yours when you caused the last.
- Karma V: Penis won't grow because you used it too young.
- Insistence: Dog's got your bone, because you said he wasn’t funny.
- Dilemma: Must drink piss to avoid eating shit.
- Dilemma II: Spray to the eye or kick to the balls.
- Misunderstanding: Wetting your pants to not take the piss.
- Gullible: Caught Truth in the act but believed Lies excuse.
- Doomed: Buried alive but not quite dead.
- Unprepared: Not knowing CPR when she's almost RIP.
- Unprepared II: Mouth's full of crap, when it's your turn to talk.
- Unprepared III: Too slow to dial because you lacked "Speed".
- Unprepared IV: Package isn't ready when she comes to collect.
- Unprepared V: 'Machine is out of order when’s she’s ready for service.
- Stupidity: Eating a dictionary to improve your vocabulary.
- Stupidity II: Repeating that which you know will bring you pain. Agent of hangover.
- Procrastination: Eyes glued to the second hand as Time walks by.
- Toothpaste: Necessary for fresh breath and to avoid her fresh slap.
- Foresight: Left wallet at home so you don't have to pay.
- Overreacting: Beating him up because he beat you again.
- Overreacting II: He steals your watch because you wasted his time.
- Overreacting III: Bar to the face because you wouldn't leave his.
- Unlikely: Filling a bucket with water using a fork.
- Mistake: Diving head first onto a pile of rock.
- Mistake II: Deciding to drive when you can barely walk.
- Mistake III: Deciding to drive when you can hardly see.
- Violent: Breaking her leg for not rubbing yours.
- Denial: Convinced she's the one when you're number two.
- Injury Prone: Weak at the knees at the mention of sport.
- Education: Making your mouth worth the money.
- Sex: When two become one and one leads to three.
- Positive: Glad to break a leg, because you didn't break two.
- Optimism: Enjoying the view from the bottom of a well.
- Suya: Meat on a stick that your mouth likes to keep in.
- Tit For Tat: Someone made Twitter, so someone made Twatter.
- Bloated: Inability to resist good food.
- Teamwork: When your mouth says "Aaah", while your stomach says "Yum".
- Time: The bitch we want but can never find.
- Polygamy: Being loose with your choices.
- Smile: Your face’s half hearted attempt at making a circle.
- Toothache: When Head divorces Ache, so she moves in with Tooth.
- Razor: Cuts through all the crap to find genuine skin.
- Pillow Talk: What you get when you keep giving it eye watering affection.
- Unfair: When Forgiveness becomes infinity so Hate can't count.
- Stripper: The result of Stand paying Ripper to become one.
- Ruthless: Killing the rat to make sure you win the race.
- Ashamed: Too chicken to admit your chicken stole his drumstick.
- Idle: Waiting for Initiative to punch you in the face.
- Resistant: Two legged man who's always on all fours.
- FML because she lied about BRB.
- Dog: Man’s best friend, flea’s worst pal.
- Integrity: Man enough to admit you're not the man to man that stand.
- Piss: That which leaks out when you try to hold it in.
- Distraction: Inability to keep your eyes on the prize. Enemy of focus.
- A Mission: Surviving the day on two hours sleep. Probability says “Good Luck.”
- The Net: What most people on social media use to hide.
- Pole: On what women dance to make money flow.
- Order: Barking at someone to jump through hoops like he's your personal pet.
- Unwelcome Alliteration: From Michael Jackson to 'Wacko Jacko'.
- Unwelcome Alliteration II: From Britney Spears to brief wedding tears (her 55 hour marriage in 2004).
- Futile: Trying to pass on the Blame when it's rather attached to you.
- Impatient: Not willing to wait to find the right path, you set off on a journey you're going to regret.
- Growl: The sound your stomach makes when it's getting ready to attack you with hunger.
- Indecisive: Too busy cheesing with another, to dangle some meat in front of the first who was ready to nibble.
- Slap: A five finger stamp that makes your face go ‘clap’.
- Tree: A log which felt the need to branch out.
- Bluff: Threatening to bite when you have no teeth.
- Not Fussy: Adultery, it likes any type of sex.
- Suck: Your biggest threat when you have no Bite left.
- Sweat: What’s all over The Palms when everyone’s checking out for The Ritz.
- Divorce: The future tense of marriage.
- Ice: What you buy to make her shiver with joy.
- Crack: What your mirror does when it can no longer stand to see your face.
- Compare: Uk Car = Maker of ‘vroom vroom’, scared to use ‘honk honk’. Nigerian Car = Doesn't speak the 'highway code', only knows ‘honk honk’.
- Annoying: When you're trying to catch some sleep, but it keeps slipping through your fingers.
- Undecided: Tears rolling down cheeks but smile spreading across face.
- Fang: Tooth’s evolution when it decides to stop doing things faire and square.
- A Note: What change someday hopes worthy of being.
- Beard: Caretaker of hair, collector of fluff, butler of age.
- Boobs: Where you want to plant ‘Face’ when things are growing well.
- Boobs II: The twins that grow out while others grow up.
- Boobs III: Two great hills whose sites you frequently visit.
- Belt: waist’s straight jacket, belly’s Warden.
- Belt II: Trouser’s bowtie.
- Alcohol: What mouth takes in to loosen brain up.
- Fist: What arm throws with speed, to catch face off guard.
- Right Hook: What eye sees in his corner when he is caught unawares.
- Uppercut: When chin is afraid to look down because he knows he’s about to fly up.
- T-Rex: Giant two leg lizard with tiny forearms.
- Pen: What you use to graffiti on paper, whilst the walls take offence.
- LOL: Arch enemy of silent laughter.
- Sex: Mother of birth.
- Condom: When sex gives sperm a 'time out'.
- Faulty Condom: Sperm on parole.
- Vasectomy: Sperm given life sentence.
- Mirror: What vanity creted so it could get more face time.
- Spit: What your mouth throws out what your manners forgot to keep in.
- Grass: Forced to lay low because it's afraid of lawnmower cutting short its plans for growth.
- Asshole: Loves talking shit which is never far from bollocks.
- Ring: Oddly shaped key that unlocks the heart of women.
- Boxing Gloves: The difference between winning a fight with applause, and being sued for grievous bodily harm.
- Voicemail: Modern day soliloquy.
- Handbag: Portable black hole owned by women.
- Slang: What your mouth uses when it’s trying to cheat at scrabble.
- Acronyms: For when you CBA.
- Drunk: When you don’t care if it’s she or him, you’re just happy to get some of ‘Shim’.
- Drunk II: Blissfully unaware.
- Gutted: Forgetting to call when she was the one.
- Bus: Double whopper meal made of chairs.
- Inconsiderate: Dance floor blocks its number so you never know when it’s calling.
- Hunger: When your mouth says “Aaah” so long as it fits.
- Confused: I have no problem with Maths, I just don’t like it.
- Guess: Your mind’s verbalized attempt to make contact with something it thinks it knows.
- Soap: What your skin welcomes in to make Dirt leave.
- Descendant: To come after the result of when someone came.
- Pathological Liar: Someone so caught up in their web of lies, that they just decided to move in.
- Gambler: In love with chance, stalked by risk, eager for some luck.
- Twitter Jail: You are now behind bars for having dropped too many lyrical bars in one day.
- Erection: When he stands firm for his right to be entertained.
- Decision: Fated to be the ruler of your own life or destined to be someone else’s bitch.
- Toilet Paper: The white flag your hand produces to try and make shit surrender.
- Exam: When you vomit what your revision has been holding in.
- Regret: That feeling you get when you let Opportunity go to voicemail.
- Chance: What grabs you by the balls when it’s time to get lucky.
- Colour: The only thing your eyes can see when your vision is blind.
- Rails: What keep the tubes in line, so they’re never off track.
- Threat: A bad dice to roll if it lands you in violence.
- Jeans: Keep your ass in check so it never becomes a drop out.
- Referee: A decision maker hated by football fakers whose personalised cards don’t win anyone’s favour.
- Interview: The time to wear clothes that are suit-able.
- Idiot: The guy who’s always running round in circles because he keeps cutting corners.
- STD: Stupid traitor dick.
- Adulthood: Now you're done growing up, your body starts to shrink down.
- Unprepared: Biting off more than you can chew, when you’ve got no teeth.
- Tired: Energetically incompetent.
- Massive Ego: When you can talk the talk, but all attempts to walk the walk, just end with you falling over.
- Sheep: Resistant to shaving in a baaad way.
- Questionable: Basing your sanity on someone who gets paid for you to be insane.
- Unless: The only word that saves but from being a nuisance.
- Zero: The number we all love to see on our bank statements so long as it's not first.
- Persistent: 50 no’s and 1 yes is still a yes.
- Pressing (In the Nigerian sense): Joining up body parts to make a new whole.
- Oversight: Fed up with your reflection, you decide to get a facelift.
- Overview: Breaking the summary down into a nice simple sum.
- Stubborn: Eyes rooted to the floor when the writing's on the wall.
- Statistics: A group of numbers looking for an argument.
- Denial: Putting in ear plugs when the fat lady sings.
- Genuine Vow vs 21st Century Vow: I do until death do us part vs I do until I don't.
- A great advert is like great sex – a massive build-up, a clinical delivery and a long lasting memory.
- Talk sense. Don't force people to try and make sense of the crap you've just said.
- Don’t talk crap unless you want people to think you’re full of shit.
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